starting with last friday
my prized pc gets killed, basically killing my want to remain in the cam.
saturday i spent being miserable
sunday was just boring
monday was blah
tuesday was well better not great but ok got to see the kids
wensday was not good!
my cat of 14 years had been getting sick and the vet basically said there was nothing that could be done because she was old. so i have basically been waiting for her to fall over and die. i fineally had enough of seeing her that and way and brought her into the vet and had her put to sleep. she had stopped eating and drinking i was able to get her to drink a little bit of water but it wasn't enough to make a difference. understand i've had her since 2001 and i went through hell to get her. my other two kitties both knew there was something when i came back in the house with her wrapped in a towel cuz i planned on burring her in the backyard next to her mate who died back in august. the kitten who had been given to me hissed at me and ran away from me, and blue my new siamese that i got o replace her mate batted at her limp body as if to say get up and play with me.
i tried to get a hold of my daughter to let her know what happened and well was told i had to wait to my visit with her to inform her that her pet had died. when all i needed was a lousy little three minutes so my daughter could say good bye to her pet
now i have to replace another pet.
this brings us to today:
now we already know that my case manager has a issue. she calls me today to inform about a staffing meeting that i was suppose to be at today which she said she mailed out a notice telling me about however i have not recieved anything and my lawyer was tehre and he didn't call to tell me about anything cuz had i known about this i would of been there to inform them. that i am fucking tired of this crap and want my family back. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY
OH YEAH AND TOP OFF EVERYTHING ELSE MY NEW BABAY DECIDED HE NO LONGER WANTS TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! SO I AM NOW GETTING UP AT 3:30AM EVERY FUCKING MORNING BECAUSE HE SO CHOSES TO DRIVE ME NUTS
- Mood:
pissed off
either way the card pulls i made sucked and i ended up in torpor before i had my heart ripped out and was diablorized by the npc. so yea for dumb luck bad card pulls.
i guess on a good note i don't have to lose my post baby fat that quickly to try and fit into my clothes i had for sabrina and i now don't have to waste any more money on stuff for this game cuz am nolonger sure i am renewing when my term is up in july. and rob has fineally lost me as his tag along for cons and stuff so he should be happy.
i spen 4 years playing her you think i would be more upset? but due to me getting hit with the vibe of our st being a pric and me knowing i was going to get killed i'm not i'm just ticked cuz he lied about it.
so anybody got some more ideas as to what i should play next?
- Mood:
content
be it i hate the camarilla right now or just my domain being stupid and self centered. i don't know
its probably just me being over sensitive to stuff. but i really am sick and tired of stupid people coming in and trying to run my life or should i say things in my life.
i just want to throw a major temper tantrum and shot grow the fuck up already!
- Mood: annoyed
- Mood: calm
- Mood: happy
but check this shit out now
i had theraphy on thursday that was why i couldn't go up thursday originally now how ever my therapist is sick so i don't hav etheraphy on thursday now. so the irony of this crap is my roommate is now debating wether or not he is going
can somebody shoot me please and make this nightmare end please
- Mood: annoyed
so at this point i'm honestly considering saying screw it and not going for 3 reasons
1 noway home
2 nothing fits me
3 the emotional roller coster ride i'm gonna go through when i have to say good bye to my friend is going to send me spinning. and i'm not sure i'm going to be able to deal with that.
so yeah screw it i'm not going !
now wait and see in a few hours i will probably have changed my mind again for the umpteenth time. thank god i haven't charged anything on my credit card yet .
- Mood:
confused
sometimes when you hear stuff about yourself you start to believe it
well lets see i'm just gonna run off a bunch of stuff that i've heard recently being said about my self
ok
1. i'm slut
2. i'm delusional
3. i live in a fantasy world
4. the only reason your with him is cuz you can't have me
5 your bipolar
6 your stupid for qutting your job
7 you didn't work in the real world( i'm gonna come back to this one)!
cuz this one is a post for those people that are pissing my corn flakes which i will post about in afew
8. having to do all this crap to get kids back you don't even care about
9 your ungrateful
10your selfish
11 your self centered
12 your ugly
13 your fat
14 you have no reason to keep breathing
15 you can't do anything right
i think that abot covers it
ok now i will defend my self against this crap and posssibly tell you who said it
1 your a slut: my father : how can i be when i was sleeping with anybody except one person and i wasn't get paid for it cuz fuck if i was i'd rich according to him
2:i'm delusional : rob: if i was delusional i would of killed you when this shit started
3:i'm living in a fantasy world: rob: if i was living in a fantasy world you sure as fuck wouldn't be in it cuz i would still be withmy1st husband and only have one child
4:the reason i am with him is cuz you can't have me: said by ceasar: i don't even like you so why would i want you
5. your bipolar:by my x will: i have proof i am not thanks to your stupid lawyer and wife asking me to take a physc eval so fuck you !
6: your stupid for quitting my job: my x-boss: you may be right but at least i am sorta happy no stress or sleepless nights do to work
7.i'm gonna save for the next post
8.doing this shit to get my kids back when i don't care for them : my ex's : if i didn't care about them would i have brought them into this world?
'9. your ungrateful: my parents: did i fucking ask for your help ? i don 't think so
10. your selfish: my x : you may be right but nomore then anybody else
11. your self centered : everybody : guess what just as much as everybody else
12. your ugly : my self: have you seen me lately i look like i got hit by a truck
13: your fat : my self : again have you seen me lately
14: no reason to breathe: my x pick one: i some times agree with that and then remeber i can get my breathe when i get my kids back
15: you can't do anything right: everybody that knows me: fuck you all i have a learning disability
now for number 7
i don't have a real job : this was said to me by a few people.
my x : you worked there and couldn't hack it as a shift manager you didn't even make through training i was a fucking ast general manager and pretty good money and yes i miss it what i don't miss is getting shit on by people in upper management who are so busy trying please other people they forget how to talk to people.
rob: at least i had a job and i wouldn't bitch cuz i was paying most of your bills! i'll probaly get in trouble for that one but at least i'm telling the truth about stuff and i don't keep secerts from the people that love me! and i communicate very well
my adc and a few others: sorry i don't think working in a call center is a real job ! your reading a script! i'm dealing with real people and trying to feed the world all be it making people fat ! i'm at least not getting yelled at by dumb ass people who can't follow simple instructions. and sorry i'm not considered a tellimarketer. also i didn't have to go through an agency to find my job!
- Location:home for now
- Mood: calmer
- Music:mc hammer can't touch this
ok so i get a call a couple days ago. and the voice asks me if i'm going to ICC? i reply was waiting on you ! the next question is well do you want to go. my reply is yes i wantto go but 2 problems
1 i'm broke an
2 hotel stay
the voice informs me that one our friends has two passes she is not using and is willing to give them to us.
all i need to do is basically pay for the hotel room cuz i paid for everything last year. and honestly both of us agreed last year that when we got home we should of gotten our own room.. the roomates were great . it was a nice to save some cash but, the way me and him are and the way we sleep it would of been simpler to stay in our own room.
so i'm discussing this with my mom who is bitching about money and all i want is a lousy 300 and thats it. i don't ask for anything and i really don't want anything except to go and spend sometime with my friends that i only get to see once a year and now with my best friend living across the country i want to spend some time with him cuz i didn't get to spend any time with him before he left to go cross country due to me being very pregnant and very uncomfortable.
i'm hoping when i see him he can work his charm on my mom and get her to give me the cash yes i know i'm a spolied brat but i really want to go i gave up dragon con and gencon. and mega con last year. due a lot of crap and i want to have some fun.
- Mood: pissed off
ive been there since last week and so far the only thing besides decorating my room in the house is discovering my little sister is a complete slut.
i fineally got to me my old sister laurette and i have to say i wish she was around when i was being trained. she would of made my life so much easier. cuz for some starnge reason iget the feeling that she wouldn't of let dad get away with the way he was treating me.
dad got mad at me for having a relationship with a shadow , yet his youngest daughter is sleeping around with anything that she can get her hands on. i love it she can do no wrong and i make a simple mistake and am never forgiven but she can do no wrong can we say just a bit unfair!
yea jealous streak showing majorly when it comes to dady being dumb
I have fineally got back to being myself . not the soft spoken and timid girl i had become the last 3 years of my life.
while at a iep meeting for my daughter i was sitting on my hands. cuz i was dealing with utter stupidity and the complete lack of respect the case worker had for anybody in the room.
so after the meeting we were walking out to the car and she made a nasty coment to the foster parent and i heard what she said so i stopped her and flat out told her to knock her i'm hollier then thou shit off. I was not a 5 yr old and i understand what is going and i will not be talked to like child by her or anyoneelse for that matter. so if you continue to treat me like i am a kid i'm going over your head and your bosses head and you will be out of a job faster then shit.
that was tuesday morning then wensday morning i'm going over email and i see one from my adc who needs to learn she is anADC not the DC i said shes in charge of the website not the hole god damn domain.
As DC i am to relay info to the domain and that was what i was doing it is also my job to find locations for game and possibly recruit new memebrs. i also am suppose to be review and aduit the prest chz logs you guys keep and i am doing that right before i send them to the RC and her staff.
we are a close knit group and don't want to be the other domain. that was why we split off in the first place. but either way we need to infuse a little new blood in to the group and so we are slowly doing this however. I'm happy you want to help but quit fucking me feel like shit and leave my st staff alone! they are doing thier job! to the best of thier abilities.
i closed off my response to her with if you want to run stuff so badly start your own domain ! i'm sure you can find enough peopel to do so cuz FE is not for sale! and i'm not about to just let you come in and take over! so back off!
but that was just the begining of my rant!
Lately i have been pissing off plenty of people and you know what i'm happy about it. Cause have fineally begin to realize i'm not the same person i use to be. I've put up with enough bull shit to make a new Bull!
and that bull is one hell of a bitch. I am almost ready to head back to work and am almost looking forward to the day i walk back and tell my replacement she can go !
realizing i can no longer afford to stay home and be a stay at home mom. and going back to work is kinda fucking me around cuz nobody is fucking hiring right now. and i'm sick of being at home.
i realize i haven't done my taxes yet and so i try to do them and realize i am 1. out of printer paper and 2 fucked cuzed teh ADD is kicking my ass. i'm reading the GD directions and gettig more fucking confused. and the only reason i am even attempting to do this shit is cuz i need my Grants back for school.which fucking sucks all in it self cuz even if i get them back i'm going to be on academic probation and possible finacial suspension. which brings me back to being stuck in a dead end job and oh yea did i mention nobody is hiring?
so again i am stuck in a battle against a wall.
- Mood: annoyed
just cut my feet off right above the ankles and hopefully it will make th eicthing stop cuz this is day 4
- Location:home
- Mood:
itchy
get up at 10:45am
rauls day off so he has the baby so i can veg out.
am sitting in my favorite chair when i hear a crash i see one kitty casually walking from said sound. then i see other kitty running as if she did something wrong.
so i get up get my foot caught on baby's bouncer and lose my ballence . so to try and stop from falling on the tile floor i reach for the baby's take along swing and miss that cuzing my little but to hit the floor right thumb first and guess what folks i hear 3 loud pops and look down at my hand only to see it swollen like insert word here_________
i put as much pressure on my hand as possible while trying not to scream.
i am given ice by my mother and driven to the local hospital
i have now had 3 sets of x- rays done on my hand and and my right hand is now in a cast until i go to the orth guy and have reset my thumb.
exit time roughly about 2:30pm leaving me a hour to get to the kids visit.
i end up being 10 minutes late to it and get from daughter noless then why are you late and i hold up my hand and she was like what the hell mom.
my son has just noticed i entered the room and asked what happened mommy .
i looked at both of t hem and said ask your brothers' bouncer what happened!
at that point raul walked in with the baby and vincent being the little smart ass asked his 1 month old brother what he did to his mommy.
about hit the floor laughing.
- Location:home
- Mood: sore
well igot the estate to my self. i have ties to the crone temple in sanford. not exactly sure what the hell i'm supposed to do with a mansion that big ? i have my gallerey to keep me occupied , i have th fashion line, i have the music lable. an di have my law firm , but i feel as those something is missing and i am running around this house looking for something i may never find.
well lets see i am amzed i have fineally attained the title of prince and well i should be over freaking joyed i fineally got whta daddy wanted for me and well why is it when i told him i accomplished what he wanted i got the thats nice dear speech and went on with his business like i hadn't even said anything at all.
i hate when he does that to me. its something i wish he wouldn't do espeacially when it comes to me. jez could get her ass in to so much trouble and he would go charging in to help her and the same goes for justin,and laurette, hell even devon, but no when it comes to me. it kinda seems like you got your self in to your own mess your a smart girl figure out how to get your self out of it.
I guess i should just up and be happy but i can't cuz all i really want to hear him say is good job Sabrina , i'm proud of you ! and i don't think i have ever gotten this out of him except for one time and that was when i gave him his first grandchilde , jake the one who was good with armour. the girls were only good in battle and that honestly was the last time i remember him saying anything positive when it came to me.
i think i got a congratulations out of him when i opened the gallery a couple years ago, but honestly it feels like no matter what i do it is never good enough for him.
i was chosen to be his companion and yet i am here and he is there. i am alone for the first time in i don't know how long. i guess i should be able to handle this he use to go away all the time and leave me with the grandsires who i learned from, but now even they are gone i shouldn't say gone they are with him. I guess i have to realize he is where he is for a reason and when he is done he will return like he always does and all will be normal again.
- Location:my empty home
- Mood: lonely
- Location:home
- Mood: content
the only reason i am breathing.
need a parent say more
the first day of school and wish i was there
- Mood: lonely
two kitties are doing well.
however my mom's kitty who was originally mine wasn't doing to good . lets all remeber when her cat got out back in may and she drove me crazy. so kitty got a bath at the vets place cuz its thier policy to bath your animal if they have to be boarded for longer then 24 hours. so kitties got a bath however the office was keeping them ( all my cats in the doggie icu so the can be in a bigger kennel cage.) they had a fan running in the unit and forgot to shut it off after putting the cats back in the cage. the other two cats were fine but ray the smaller of the two siamese got a cold and byy the time we had realized something was wrong it was to late. WE GOT HIM TO THE VET AND THEY GAVE HIM AN IV DRIP OF ANTIBIOTICS THAT HE HAD TO GET EVERY MORNING , they started him on antibotics and all thess other kind of medicine but it wasn't helping. we did this for over a week and last night we noticed he was having a really difficult time doing anything. so we made the hour long drive back to wintersprings with the cat in my moms arms and her crying the hole time. we made the decision to have him put down so he wouldn't suffer anymore. now heres where my problems begin
HOW DO I TELL A 13 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL( that has been through hell and back ) THAT HER KITTY HAD TO BE PUT TO SLEEP?! RAY O'LIGHT WAS ORIGINALY MY DAUGHTERS CAT. HOWEVER WHEN MY DAUGHTER GOT TAKEN AWAY HE BECAME MY SONS KITTY SO NOW HOW DO I TELL A 8 YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY WHO LAST YEAR NOT ONLY LOST HIS HOUSE , HIS GRANDPA AND his PUPPY. HE LOST HIS KITTY AS WELL?
I SEE THE KIDS ON TUESDAY; SO YEAH THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD VISIT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
- Location:home
- Mood: sad
how about i finely start feeling better . so i do what i said i was going to do after i had my baby.
i was going to play with the dog and spend some time with him since my mom has decided to play a sane person and watch her grandchild for the day so i can take a break and relax.
ok so i am playing with said dog takeing him for a walk. we get back from that he drinks water and i have lunch. we then go in the back yard and i'm kicking a soccer ball around and he is chasing it .
ok did i foget to mention its a german shepard puppy!
And my dumbass is chasing him back and forth across the backyard can we stupid on my part sunburnt should hurt ! espeacially when baby scrapes them while being burpped. reminder to self when playing with dog use sunblock!
again goes back in house so dog can drink waterand i can have a snack while doing this i checks on looney mother and child and goes back to playing with dog .
ok so i am now playing tug with dog and i am sitting with my legs folded under me and i hear a pop and it feels like the side of my left knee is tearing kinda like a piece of dough being streched out right before it breaks, later while i am cleaning out a bath tub it begins to feel as though the side of my knee is coming apart cuz again i am still putting pressure on it. so i stop cleaning the tub, and went back to living room where the dog is still wanting to play how ever i am now in no mood to play with said dog and screamed bloody freaking murder cuz my knee is throbbing and swollen cuz said dog ran into my knee with a rope toy in his mouth. when i fineally stopped screamin the dog was found hiding under my bed and my now unhappy ass was found sitting on the floor holding my knee.
so yeah to sum up my sunday
overall was very happy until the afternoon.
as of right now knee back in brace and yeah thats fun
- Location:home
- Mood: crappy
being a haus is sometimes a fucking waste of my time. I do all this freaking work and get what in return for it.? i'd really like to know? cuz lately it been nothing more then heart ache. Daddy has decieded to pack up and move the estate to so cal. and i'm frankly not to thrilled by that . hello did you forget i kinda live there?Oh wait i for got i'm not important enough anymore for you to remeber about sorry what do i have to fucking do to get noticed around here slay a fucking dragon or kill an evangii to get recognized in her own god damn family.
OC:
i swear some times i wonder why i even bother with this shit it tends to piss me off more and more lately and frankly i am starting to hate playing this fucking PC. I get rp time alone with rob any more and it sucks i won't even be there when he gets back from gencon this year for our normal tradition and frankly this sitituation sucks. can say miserable and not liking florida very much right now . hes there i'm here and i hate it. my main focus i know should be my kids but when your heart is semi broken what the hell are you suppose to do? i don't deal with seperation all to well espeacialy when its from somebody i deeply care about.
i'll finish this later cuz the tears are flowing and i can't see the keys on my laptop.
- Location:not where i wantto be
- Mood: un happy
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